"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."- Alan Cohen

So um wow. This past month has been insane. I figured out that even though I am only registered for 14.5 credits, I am actually required to be in class 19 hours a week... in addition to my 20 hours of working. And homework. And applying to 12 internships. But alas I AM DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) WOOT! (well with applying to internships anyways) 

One of my biggest fears is doing something out of my comfort zone. So naturally this whole going to Washington D.C. massively started to freak me out. Last Wednesday, I was going to email my director and be like "Hey. Sorry I don't think I can do this." Thoughts of "what the heck am I getting myself into???!" flooded through my mind like crazy!  But I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that this is what's supposed to happen so I just have to keep remembering that every time I just want to pull my hair out. Like mentioned above, change=power (and being a red personality, I'm all about power!). I also get more and more excited by the way about all the things I can do while there:

• International Spy Museum. Need I say more?
• Lincoln Memorial
• Smithsonian
• National Gallery of Art
• The Holocaust Museum
• The White House
• See the Constitution in the Archives (#bucketlist)
• The National Geographic Museum
• Library of Congress

I think I might start another binder and plan all the restaurants/day trips I want to do. I am my Omi's granddaughter! I know this experience will be one that will change my life because it's already massively changed my life. I am already seeing awesome skills I will learn (i.e. writing a boss cover statement). Like mentioned above change=power. Also, it's official : I have two interview invitations!!!!!!!!!!!!! They're for Senator Hatch and the Federal Judicial Center, which are in my top three choices. Wish me luck!

The highlight of my weekend was probably when I went through my "Nobody loves me. Everybody hates me. I'm going to go eat worms" box and decided to throw away some letters from some people who no longer play an integral in life. It went something like this: 

Marisa and I walk toward the garbage can. I scream something like "I can't do this." At this point, I am about to cry because let me tell you, it hurts so so so much to throw away letters that used to bring you happiness in your worst moments. Then she whips out the quote from Cool Runnings: "I see pride. I see power. I see a bad girl who doesn't take no crap from nobody." After that motivational speech, I threw them away and we ran towards her car where we proceeded to jam out to break up songs (i.e. the playlist was mostly Katy Perry and boy bands) and listened to Josh Groban's "You are Loved" at top volume. I couldn't speak afterwards, but we ate Klondikes and stayed up until around 1. It was the perfect moment of letting the past go and realizing that your roommate is the bomb. To quote Taylor Swift, "for the first time, the past is past." 

On Tuesday, I had a very stressed day that ended up super well! My bishop wanted to have a meeting with me and I had no clue why because I already had a calling. It turns out that he was just calling me to make sure life was going well! At this point, I literally felt like I had sunbeams coming out of my face because I had just spent all this time researching all the awesome things about D.C. It was definitely a tender mercy though that my bishop, who had zillions of people in our ward, took the time to meet with me. I am so impressed and yet so sad that I have to leave this ward because my bishop is one of the best I've ever had! The rest of the night was spent catching up with my girls (aka Jess and Berg) where we went on a walk, blared Taylor Swift and went to get the BEST fro-yo at Menchi's. These girls just completely get me. Since day one, I have no fear of just saying what I want because usually they feel the exact same and I just love them.

On Wednesday I finally turned in all my cover statements after a VERY stressful day! Can anyone say "Huzzah!!!?" Yes. I was super excited. Thursday my Zumba class was the best because I could just be completely relaxed. I did all of my Spanish homework for the next two weeks when I got home while listening to T Swizzle's leaked album. I LOVE THAT CD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Tender mercy #2 because she is my absolutely favorite singer and her CD leaked THAT day). It was also my daddy's birthday so I got to talk to him! Can I just say I love that guy? HE IS THE BEST FATHER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. And I will fight anybody who challenges that. No one can completely calm me down the way he can and I am just so happy I get to have him for eternity so that he can continue to help be my mentor. Also, I can't wait to go hang gliding for our quarter/mid-life crisis. Best idea ever. Then I watched Downtown and seriously cried over the episode. It was tragic. While sitting there listening to the song posted at the end of this post, I just got overwhelmingly sad. (This may or may not have stemmed from Downtown #embarassing!) But I just realized there are so many sad things in the world and I just felt bad for all these people that were going through way worse situations than I was and realized how much I have to be grateful for. 

This morning I woke up still in a funk. Because I am a thinker, I sometimes get so caught up in thinking negatively or about sad things that I get stuck in a rut. Luckily, I have Michal at work. I seriously don't know what I would do without Michal. Without her, I am pretty sure that I would have died. I told her all about my stress and she understood and explained to me exactly what I was thinking. Even people who I have known my whole life don't know me that well! The one thing I absolutely love about Michal is that our relationship is symbiotic. (Woah did I just use a word from Biology? The world is ending.) Seriously. I give her 110% and she gives me 110%. Most of my relationships are often one sided and I am so thankful to her because it made me realize there are true friends out there who not only completely understand you but are also willing to do whatever is necessary to make you feel better.

I called my mom and bawled my eyes out for around an hour. I love her! Moms are just the best always. I then went to the temple and I felt so much better! I walked home and Michal found stalked me until she found out where I was and I sat and bawled in her car. (sensing a theme today?) And then she proceeded to buy me pizza and a crepe. So yeah, there are literally no words to describe how much I love her! (WHAT THE HECK AM I GOING TO DO WITHOUT HER?!??!?!) Michal, thanks for being my substitute spouse tonight! 

So in other random news, I recently just found this free program they do on campus where they measure your different types of stress and then they have personalized suggestions on how to manage it. I realized lately that I am at my max stress level most days so  I need to learn how to control it. I also need to figure out how to not be so obsessed with time.  I am so going to do it! :) 

To end,  look what finally came....

Yep! THAT'S MY TICKET FOR PRINCETON CONFERENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 13 days baby! This time in two weeks, I will have already been in both New York and New Jersey. Get outta town!

In short, I just want to say that Heavenly Father truly does not only love us but provides us the people and experiences we need in our life. To all my angels who have helped me, thanks! I am so excited about all these coming changes that sometimes I stay up super late and just think about all I want to do!  I cannot wait for this opportunity to expand and learn more who I am while in D.C. It's gonna be great! 

P.S. This talk helped me get through the day as well! I LOVE THIS MAN!"

"My dear brothers and sisters, we would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most."