I honestly don't know how to begin this blog post. So we'll just start with this quote by a boss woman! :) I picked this because in my life, it's so true. Making decisions is always a super long process for me. And the longest decision making I've had recently was making the decision to serve a mission. Trust you me, like I described in my blog last time, it took me forever. But once I decided and told the 'world' my plans, everything seemed to work out so smoothly. I truly believe that "fears are paper tigers." One of my favorite things I've ever heard was from Sheri Dew who said that we "vote with our feet," meaning that when we act on our faith and show up to meetings, church, etc. we are actively choosing Christ in our lives. I love that! And because of that, I've decided I'm going to buy a step counter for my mission so I can know exactly how many steps I have take from Him. (I may have stolen this idea from a recently returned sister in one of my classes, but it tied in very well with how I was thinking, so I'm still going to do it!) I am so happy right now that I wish I could bottle it up and hand it out to everyone I meet. Or, for selfish purposes, I wish I could can my happiness and save it for a weaker time. These past few months, I have truly come to know how much my Savior loves me both individually and perfectly. This alone is the greatest assurance. Through the process of deciding to serve a mission, I realized that I do really care what people think about what I'm doing. Heck, I almost didn't decide to serve a mission because I knew that everyone was expecting me to go to Georgetown (and because that's what I wanted). But if it's one thing I've learned, it's that I should follow the plan that my Savior has for me. Are there days when I sincerely wish I was going to Georgetown this fall? Yes. Absolutely. There's always going to be a part of me that wants to be a barely 23 year-old with a MA from Georgetown.I still have pride and it was my goal for so long, but the joy of knowing I will help bring the same happiness I feel right now to other people full-time for 18 months makes me feel a thousand times happier than anything I would be doing in school this fall. With that introduction out of the way, here are some more musings and events that have happened recently:
It's all about persepctive. If I could sum up my life in the last few weeks, this would be the only sentence I need... but I AM an English major, so I'm going to expand on that idea. I just want to blog about three people who have shown me that it's all about the perspective you choose.
Helen Keller. Yes, I've mentioned her several times. But recently I was reading her book on Optimism (conveniently published online!) and I found this quote and it nearly moved to my tears:
"I know what evil is. Once or twice I have wrestled with it, and for a time felt its chilling touch on my life; so I speak with knowledge when I say that evil is of no consequence, except as a sort of mental gymnastic. For the very reason that I have come in contact with it, I am more truly an optimist. I can say with conviction that the struggle which evil necessitates is one of the greatest blessings. It makes us strong, patient, helpful men and women. It lets us into the soul of things and teaches us thatalthough the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it. My optimism, then, does not rest on the absence of evil, but on a glad belief in the preponderance of good and a willing effort always to cooperate with the good, that it may prevail. I try to increase the power God has given me to see the best in everything and every one, and make that Best a part of my life. The world is sown with good; but unless I turn my glad thoughts into practical living and till my own field, I cannot reap a kernel of the good." Um what? Couldn't have said it any better myself. I just love that line that the world is about overcoming suffering. Here she is, blind and deaf, and she still tells us exactly what I've been feeling the last few days. I have also been really into the law of opposition recently and she perfectly explained why we need both good and evil in the world. #boss
Jesse Owens. First of all, I'm sure you shocked that I am going to talk about a boss man. I really am trying to get better at having boss man examples. This one is largely a shoutout to my dad, who told me about him because he was an olympic runner. One of the famous things about him is that at the Olympics in Germany, Hitler wouldn't shake hands with him because he was black. Whenever I've heard this story, I instantly get angry and think about how this is so injustice. But then, I found this quote: “Although I wasn’t invited to shake hands with Hitler, I wasn’t invited to the White House to shake hands with the President either.” Ummm what?? This truth cut me to the very center (to borrow from the BOM). Again, it's all about how you view your circumstances. While I was only focused on what other country's officials were doing, I failed to notice injustice on our own soil. I also liked this other quote from him: "Find the good. It's all around you. Find it, showcase it, and you'll start believing in it."
Anne Frank. After learning more about her, I am just quite amazed. I tried to read her diary a long time ago and I hated it. But I've found so many gems from it. Again, here she was in horrific circumstances, hiding in an attic because of her skin color/religion. In the midst of the terrible situation, she said some pretty great things:
"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world."
"It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals, because they seem to absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart."
"Look at how a single candle can both defy and define the darkness."
"Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy."
"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely, or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As long as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be."
So here's my point: if all these people can have a good perspective on life even with all their trials, and be thankful for them, I'm thinking we could all do a better job of maintaining better attitudes about our lives.
Perfect weekends. Last weekend, Ellie, Linds and I celebrate Lindsey receiving her mission call (to Cambodia!!!! #dreamscometrue) at Olive Garden. I may have eaten so many breadsticks that I indicated I would have to go the hospital to our waitress- who literally had no idea what I was talking about. NBD. Anyways, then we decided to head over to Barnes and Noble so we could look at books and look at the travel section for Linds. We walk in and I kid you not, Elder Holland is standing 3 feet in front of us. Once we got over the shock, Ellie walked right over and shook his hand. We followed suit and had a brief conversation with him. It was so cool and definitely would only happen in Utah. We then drove in the mountains, laughing about our hike to Timp in September and ate cupcakes. It was perfect and magical. Just like your second semester of senior year should be. That Saturday I went to see a play adpation of Pride and Prejudice with my friend Tracy and it was hilarious! I loved it so much and I loved eating ice cream at Tracy's house while we caught up! :) Then later one, Ellie, Lindsey and I saw Divergent, which was pretty good. I have to read the book now! :)
The Good News. Georgetown will let me defer!!!!!!!!!!!!! For two years!!!!!!!!!!!! Because my life is awesome! And, all I have left is my interviews for my mission paperwork... and I found out I can submit them whenever, which means I will most likely be getting them the last day of finals. Of senior year. Speaking of, only 10 days left of class and 28 days until I'm a college grad. This is real life folks. And it's so exciting.
My new screensaver/ life reminder
Linds pre-opening of her mission call!
The reading of her going to... CAMBODIA!
Throwback photo with Caitlin and Ms. Frandsen from sixth grade 'graduation'
We may have been a little over zealous on the idea of getting Girl Scout cookies...
Just imitating Hillz cerca her years as a Clinton
Finally, here's my current jam of the week. It's a remix of Ellie Goulding's "Hanging On" and it's from the Divergent soundtrack. I could listen to it on repeat for dayssss.
I know I used this quote in my last blog post, but I just love it so much, especially in regards to where my life is going right now. I have been so fearful of a lot of things in my life. I really like having a complete five year plan and knowing exactly where I will be in those moments. However, I've recently come to realize that I was only living to part of my potential. This will be explained later on, but I am going on a mission! Before I get into that, I want to kind of give some background information using the Batman trilogies as basis. (Just trust me with this one!) The first time I watched The Dark Knight, I was super depressed and literally felt the presence of evil. I didn't want to ever watch it again because it was so full of awfulness and negativity and evil. It weighs you down. However, a couple of months ago, I watched all three of the movies in quick succession and I realized how it important the second movie was to the portrayal of hope. Last semester, I was in the "Dark Knight" period in my life. Disappointment and sorrow ran amok in my world. I was so spiritually down and just sorrowful about my life. I was not the best person to be around and I hated myself for it. And here's where my metaphor truly begins. In the third film, Dark Knight Rises, Bruce Wayne is thrown into the bottom of a huge pit in the middle of nowhere. Like Bruce Wayne, there are going to be multiple times where we are totally and completely physically, emotionally and spiritually drained. Sometimes looking at the bright light (the light here representing the gospel) where the rest of the world is is too much. I became at the point of Batman, sitting alone in the pit and even though I could see the light at the top, I didn't want to go to it. I was sensitive to the light of the gospel because I had become so enchanted with complaining and feeling self pity. Ultimately, I found hope in the gospel again through many nights of tearful prayers and it was that hope and faith in my Heavenly Father's love that I decided to start climbing my way up. In the Dark Knight Rises, Batman attempts several times to climb out of the pit, but fails each time. It used to make me frustrated that he didn't just miraculously make it out each time. However, I noticed that each time he jumps and fails, he is attached to a rope. When I related this to my own situation, my rope represented the love of my Savior and Heavenly Father. No matter how many times I failed trying to get out of the pit, the rope (divine love) held me in complete and utter safety. It did not matter how many times I failed to get out of the pit, because the rope always (and always will) hold me in both my times of being daring or sorrowful. Sometimes, like Batman, our 'back' breaks when we are trying our best to get out of the pit and it's beyond frustrating. I was trying my best, so why wouldn't I be able to just get out when I wanted to? I think with all the frustrations I had during this time of my life, this was one of them. I was actively trying to get out of the pit. But here's the thing, I wasn't ready to get out. I needed to learn a few things (most importantly, how much my Savior knows and loves me) and the good news was that even though I metaphorically broke my back, at least I didn't plunge to my death. Like any metaphor, this one doesn't perfectly line up because Batman finally makes the jump without the rope, so that's where this metaphor ends. However he then spends the rest of his time trying to get Gotham out of a metaphorical pit of darkness. Right now, I have made that giant leap of faith he makes the final time, not knowing where he was going to end up and I know I will land successfully wherever in the world I am supposed to serve. So here's the lesson to be learned, something that has been taught in religions everywhere: that there has to be opposition in all things. If you don't have the total despair and lack of hope, you can never experience total joy of climbing out of the pit and knowing there is something even better waiting for you at the top. Like it says in the second Hunger Games movie, "Hope is the only thing stronger than fear." Satan will work his very best to tell you that climbing out isn't worth it. Believe me, he tries very hard and it nearly works. But here is a secret: it doesn't matter how many times you fall because your Savior will always be there to catch you every time you do. And to me, that makes taking the jump all the more worth it. Now you're thinking, what does this have to do with your choice to serve a mission? Well, everything. Because I have been at the bottom of a huge pit spiritually, I now have the experience of a. knowing what it feels like for others to be there and b. I have an increased testimony in my Savior. And that is why I want to share the gospel so I can help people recognize that they're in a pit and help them help themselves to get out of it. The only thing that got me to metaphorically climb to the top was knowing that my Savior was there for me every time, even if I fell. I can say, without hesitation, my Savior knows and loves me perfectly and individually. And once you know that, why wouldn't you want to shout it to the world? Some days I just wish I was on my mission full-time right now so I could tell everyone about the joy the gospel has brought me in my worst moments. I want to be like Batman, saving the souls of my Gotham and helping people come closer to the Savior that helped me through my darkest times. My savior, Jesus Christ, knows me personally. He knows my pains, weakness, trials and my joys, happiness of getting into grad school and the things that makes me excited. He knows how it felt to be really elated at the prospect of getting into Georgetown and then the low point of realizing that while you REALLY wanted to go there, you also really felt that you should still go on a mission. Luckily for me, a perfect person can empathize with me because He made the choice to experience what I have personally felt. It is so comforting to know that when I am feeling inadequate or tired or spiritually drained on my mission, I will have a constant best friend there to guide me. I say the phrase "perfect best friend" because no one but Christ knows how to love you more perfectly because of what He has chosen to do. Anyways, there is my long dissertation on how Batman relates to the gospel. If you have time, you should watch the brief clip of the scene I was talking about:
Here's a brief update on some of the happy things going on right now:
"I hope they call me on a mission." Now that you have a bit of background, I will tell you a bit more about why I decided to serve a mission. My journey to deciding to serve was a long tedious one. It all began May 12. (I only remember the exact date because I wrote a note to myself on my iPad). During sacrament meeting, someone spoke about service and I all the sudden has this intense feeling that I needed to serve a mission. I started crying because the spirit overwhelmed me so much that I had to leave. I called both my parents and told them about my impression. It was so strange and unexpected that I wrote about it. Here's a brief clip of what I wrote to myself that day: "So, if I am reading this note while I am having a bad day in the mission, remind yourself that you KNOW, at this very moment this is what you're supposed to be on a mission. Heavenly Father knows and loves you with an immense love. He knows exactly what you're supposed to be doing and when it needs to be done. One of the elements of the gospel I have the biggest testimony in us the perfectness of God's timing. Things happens when they are supposed to and every seemingly random event that leads up to it is preparing you every step of the way. If today is tough, just remember that the worth of souls is great in the eyes of God. He loves you more than you even love yourself. Be good to yourself today and remember that the work you are doing is of the utmost importance. Remember who and whose you are." A few short days later, I found out about a family problem and then that took up nearly all my emotional energy for about 7 months. During that time, I had off and on thoughts about serving a mission but didn't really feel like I should make a decision in the state I was in, so I kept on pushing it off, telling myself I would decide before I got a decision back from Georgetown. However, since I've been SO much more emotionally healthy this semester, I couldn't get the thought out of my head. I would wake up and put my coat on and 'feel' a missionary badge on my right side. It was so weird. One day I was reading in the scriptures and stumbled upon one of my favorite chapters of scripture, D &C 6. I especially love verse 36: "Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not." It is so hard for me to not be fearful. I also love when he tells Oliver Cowdrey, "Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?" My mind flashed back to the time that I had felt so strongly that I needed to serve. However, that's not what did it for me. I kept on having all these moments but it wasn't until my mom and I had a very personal conversation about going on a mission that I made the decision to talk to my bishop. Two Sundays ago, I walked in to begin passing the programs and the bishop walked right past me. I was too scared to say anything but then all of the sudden, someone began playing "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go" and I KNEW that I had to talk to the bishop. So I instantly went up to him and told him of my plans. So I'm working on my paper and am really excited about going on a mission! Some of you may wonder about graduate school. The only reason I can tell you that I am choosing not to go straight to graduate school is because I know, without a doubt, that I am supposed to go on a mission right now. Like the hymn says, "It may not be on the mountain height or over the stormy sea, it may not be at the battle's front my Lord will have need of me. But if, by a still, small voice he calls to paths that I do not know, I'll answer, Dear Lord, with my hand in thine, I'll go where you want me to go." And right now, where I should go is on a mission.
I GOT INTO GEORGETOWN FOR A MASTER'S DEGREE. I don't really have anything else to say about this except I had an hour and a half dance party blaring my Boss playlist. SO BLESSED.
JOB. I have officially received the perfect job offer! I will be teaching for the Reading Institute of Development and it's been really great so far. It will definitely be challenging, but so worth it. I get to empower kids to love reading and I am SO excited about it! (Also my prideful side says, "To everyone who said I couldn't get a job as an English major, sucks to be you right now! haha)
VEGASSSSS. Oh man, where do I begin on this one? First of all, it was really fun to a. leave Provo and b. go on a road trip. We blared "22" and "Waking up In Vegas" approximately a thousand times that weekend. After blaring some great tunes, we arrived in Vegas, ready to party! It was Ellie, Linds and I and we stayed in the Mirage. Some of the highlights included going to the Venetian for gelato at nearly midnight, the HUGE (I'm talking like seriously 20 lbs) sandwiches we ate the first night, watching Lindsey watch the volcano 'explosion' outside our room, the Bellagio fountains, our very stressful experience with the roller coaster in the New York hotel, me slipping on a piece of paper in the middle of the day on carpet (that's a story for another blog post) and eating at the third (and final) Serendipity. Ironically one of my favorite parts was our epic dance party we had in our hotel room! It was really great. On the way back, we had the perfect day. We drove through a polygamist colony on the border of Arizona and Utah, and then randomly ended up really close to Zions park, which we drove through FOR FREE because it was President's weekend and they waived the fee. It was just one of those perfect vacations, especially driving home because literally everything worked out for our benefit. It also helped that the weather was so delightful. I can't wait for summer!!
YOLO Wednesdays. Well since this is our last semester, we've been calling it our yolo semester. It began with yolo weekends where we went out to eat at new restaurants and creeped on boys. Then it became yolo Thursday because Ellie and I don't have class on Fridays. But now it's progressed to the point where we have yolo Wedsnesday where, after my creative writing class gets over at 8, we eat pizza and chill. It is probably my favorite time of the week because I'm on campus for 12 straight hours and then I get to go home and chill with Linds and Ellie.
Dannah. My beautiful, smart, amazing cousin called me this past week and we chatted for over an hour. It is pretty incredible to see what she's doing with her life and that she's growing up. Aren't we still 9 and playing Barbies at my house? :) She honestly made me feel so much better about my life and I am so glad that I have her in my life. She is one of the most genuine people I've ever met! Love her!
Elizabeth Smart. Linds forwarded an email about Elizabeth Smart and how she was speaking in Utah. We bought tickets and it was the greatest! She spoke about her experiences of being kidnapped and dealing with her life afterwards. She was so real and honest and incredible!! Speaking of being in a pit, this woman sure knows not only how to get out of a pit, but how to encourage others to get out of it. I hope to be an 1/8 of the woman she is and help as many people as she has. She was one of the my original women I looked up to, so it was beyond cool that I also got her to sign my Boss Women Unite book AND take a picture with her! Definitely a bookmark moment.
Friends. This past month has been full of friends checking in on me and doing nice things for me! I am so happy to have these people in my life:
Michal- She brought me a book (The 7 Habits of a Highly Effective Person) and even though I haven't had a chance to read it, I am so thankful that she thought of me and brought it by. I have only seen her 3 times in the past year, so it was really nice to see her again!
Linds- Oh man. Where do I even begin? She is one of my rocks right now. I love our late night looking out the window chats where we can talk about anything. I'm also glad that she has put up with being my roommate for so long that she knows exactly what I'm going to do and how I feel about most things. I think the most important thing about my friendship with her is that she allows me to be my true, questioning self. I never need to fear that she'll judge me for any of the thoughts I have and I am so thankful for that! She also made me be okay with coining myself as a feminist. #girlpower
Ellie- She is the person that leads the fun in my life. She is entirely spontaneous and spunky and I LOVE it. She breaks up my usual monotonous routine and for that I will be eternally grateful.
Madison- She took me out to Zupas (YUM) where we sat and chatted. I also had the opportunity to visit her new apartment and it was adorable! Glad we could catch up.
Marisa- She was awesome this week because she bought me a cupcake and then took me to see Austenland. She absolutely won me over because she's known how much I've wanted to see it. It was the perfect roommate date and I was really happy to not sit in my apartment by myself on a Saturday night.
This article. I really liked this article on being a girl who travels. My favorite part is when she says, "Be the girl who travels and constantly lives out of her comfort zone. Do the things that royally scare the pants off of you. Be the girl who travels and knows no limits. She knows that there is no impossible, and she will spend every waking moment proving it." As evidenced above, one of my greatest fears is living an ordinary life because I am not confronting my fears. Also I LOVE to travel, so I can't wait to be this person!
Article on circumstances. This article is by far one of my favorites because it's all about how we are not what happens to us. I especially liked the "Choose to be a victor" part, but I think I'll change it to "Choose to be a boss." Here are some great quotes from it:
"We are not victims of our circumstances. We are always free to choose—to act and not be acted upon. The sooner we embrace this belief and accept our responsibility, the sooner we will triumph over our circumstances and become a victor instead of a victim.
"Please point me to anyone in history—anyone who has changed the world for the better—who embraced the belief that they were a victim. The men and women we revere are the individuals who refuse to be a victim of their circumstances; they take responsibility for how they react to the things that are given to them. By taking responsibility for life, these individuals are able to transcend their circumstances in a most beautiful (and oftentimes ironic) way...We cannot always control what happens to us, but we can always control how we react. Abandon the idea that you will forever be the victim of the things that have happened to you. Choose to be a victor."
Now onto some pictures of my recent adventures:
Meeting Elizabeth Smart!!!!!!
Bellagio Fountains!
Been to all 3 now!
The Venetian at night
Linds and I's mission photo haha
Linds, me and Ellie outside the Mirage (our hotel)
Zions National Park
IT WAS SO PRETTY!
Outside the New York hotel
Ellie's birthday dinner at the Venetian
Ice castles in Midway
So cool but super cool!
Second best news of the week!
Anyways, I am SO blessed and I am really looking forward to the next bit of my life! :)
