“Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?” ― Rumi

Hey friends! It's been a crazy couple of weeks. But full of good things! I've done this new thing where if I feel like doing something, I do it. And the other day, I was on the freeway, parked in heavy traffic, windows down (because of that whole no A/C thing), blaring Good Life by OneRepublic while watching the sun set behind the mountains and I just thought to myself, life is good. I'm letting go of all the stress and taking it one day at a time. The other day at work, I received the email officially letting me know I had been removed from Georgetown. And it made me realize that I needed a mental health day. So instead of feeling bad and staying at work, I left and went to a latin restaurant and ate my latin comfort foods. And that made me happy! Look at that face: 

THEY HAD JUGO DE CHINOLA!

Shoutout to boss woman Tracy from DC for telling me I didn't have to know everything about my life right now. It made me calm down quite a bit. 

In other news, I realized that I needed an attitude adjustment. I was being super prideful. So I prayed to Heavenly Father and I just asked him to let me have a better perspective about working at Otterbox instead of moving to DC and being a boss woman at Georgetown. I just want to be helping refugees and living in a foreign country doing boss things RIGHT NOW. So, mostly I asked for more humility. I prayed about it extensively for a few days. And then something happened. I had a phone call with a lady that lasted about a half hour. And she said at the end, you completely changed my day around. I was having the most terrible time and you completely switched that. And I realized, customer service IS in fact helping others. I may not be teaching African girls english or helping newly arrived refugees with everything they need, but I am helping. And it made it all the better. I can now stop obsessively applying to jobs and just be still. I am Leslie Knope, so staying still and doing nothing for a bit freaks me out, but it's gotten me here so hopefully it all works out. I love that Heavenly Father answers even the weirdest of prayers. 

So, I did decide to pay a crazy amount of money and see Adele for my quarter life, "I'm not going to Georgetown" crisis. And honestly, it was the best night ever. I was sitting in a row of just three people. So it was just me and the lesbian couple I made pacts with to not judge if we cried too much. From the first note of "Hello, it's me," I was dying. Especially because she was literally so close!! And then they carried her in this little box thing to the main stage right underneath me. haha she was so so funny. And then the moment of truth came. She sang "Someone Like You." Yes, I know everyone is obsessed with this song. But really, it's helped me through so many bad moments. And Michal knows the best about that haha. That poor girl always had to listen to it during whatever bad moment I was having at work on repeat. Like when I got a C in Biology. When a boy I liked wrote a 'hilarious' blog post about what I thought had been a legit date. When my parents were getting divorced. When I realized I was NOT going to marry one of my best friends. And all those pre-mission moments when I was super sad. AND even the time I was on my mission, having the worst day and hating life and hearing it through some strange women's window. *We contacted here and she progressed quite well. I always say Heavenly Father uses your strengths and weaknesses for good. Sorry President Corbitt*. And for the first time, I didn't cry. I love what Adele said about another song she sang, that it "both heals and breaks your heart at the same time." That song has always made me feel sad, but as she sang it, I felt the healing power of it. I physically felt that I was over those dark and twisty days. It was very therapeutic. And now, I won't have to thing about that same boy every time I hear it. It's been six years since I first heard it and I always thought about the same person each time. And that night, with a bazillion other people, I felt myself freed of those sad reminders. D DAY IS OVER. (The only person who will understand what this means is Michal, so sorry to the rest of the people who just read that long paragraph for nothing. In a nutshell, I basically paid $400 for musical therapy). 

Also, just a very public shoutout to Michal Christine. I love her. Seriously. SO MUCH. She was the first friend I had that just innately understood me and I love her for it. I never feel self conscious about anything I tell her. I can be a crazy lunatic about boys, or I can tell her I never want to get married, and either way she somehow understands. That is true friendship. Especially because I have a WAY intense personality that most people don't get AT ALL. It's hard making friends as a 24 year old single woman in Colorado haha and so I am just eternally grateful that she not only gets me, but understands and loves me. She is one of my ultimate boss woman examples. She is righteous, knows her worth and is the most charitable and loving person I know. Thanks for putting up with me for the past six years. I don't know what I would do without you. Who else would I complain/over analyze everything with?

Also I want everyone to read this speech. I read it before my mission, but it was perfect for my mood. I've been stuck in the past for a bit and Elder Holland helped that out real quick. My favorite quote was when he said, "then we look ahead, we remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives." So here's to finding out what's in store for me! Who knows what will happen? Maybe I will stay in Fort Collins. Maybe I will move to Seattle. May I WILL join the Peace Corp and move to Zambia. I have no clue.  But that's half the fun.The only real priority right now is to find a lake that I can walk around.

Some pics/videos of recent adventures: 

 

Because she is the best and I am STILL in a musical coma. 

She was so close! 

Ice cream date with Madison

I finally got my classic BYU mission shirt. It was the best. Thanks Papa!

ADELE. i.e. the best night of my life 

"I am sure God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait." - C.S. Lewis

I have sometimes joked that if I don't get married in this lifetime, I'll just be C.S. Lewis' second wife in the next. And it's a pretty good backup plan if you ask me. I just love him. I also love this quote. I am doing a lot of waiting because...

I DO NOT HAVE ANY CLUE WHAT I AM DOING. Typing that sentence makes me honestly want to die. The only thing I feel super good about is being in Fort Collins, which is also a plot twist. I have been in such a weird head space these last two weeks, which is super sad because they've been so fun with some unexpected things! I have this problem where I've been just randomly yolo doing things. Like I randomly applied for a job in like three seconds here in Ft. Collins... and I got a job interview. And I was really excited about it. And then freaked out. My problem is my personality is just so weird. Sometimes, I am ALL in for everything. I want to be loving and date and just try whatever job and move wherever and then my brain comes in the way and I just absolutely freak out. So sorry to everyone who has met me or talked to me in the last month. I've just always been the girl with the plan and they didn't ever involve staying in Colorado, dating, finding a job or even wanting any of those things. So massive changes. It's hard because there's still this huge part of me that wants to go to Georgetown, never get married and be a boss Secretary of State. But since I know I'm not supposed to, it's hard! I don't know how to describe it. But basically, I've been a mess the past couple of weeks. My brother's girlfriend, Jessika, sent me a link with a personality quiz just to see if I would still get the INTJ result. And I did. But then I read this: 

And I honestly just wanted to share it with everyone. STORY OF MY LIFE people. It is so hard being a woman and an INTJ. (For those of you who do not know what I am talking about, please take the Meyers Briggs personality test. It'll change your world). I want to be open and optimistic, but then when it comes down to it, I just shut down. I have like a brave quota and once it caps, I am done. I am brave and then chicken out. As I was spending my Friday evening watching Cinderella (also that sentence is kind of embarrassing but whatever) I loved the tagline of "Have courage and be kind." So I decided to be brave and just come right out with it. And then I realized, I am brave and care up to a point and then I just shut down. I want to have an awesome job, get married, have kids and be a full-time mom. (Right now as my mom and several other people read this, they may fall over dead. But it's true. I don't know who I am right now!). But there's still such an innate part of me that rejects all of that... so I'm in a weird transition mode. I just wanted to give a shout out to everyone who has helped me in this transition mode. I am sorry for being weird. And sorry to all my good friends that I've been ignoring recently. It's just hard to be so different around people who knew what you were like. But I've changed. And to be completely vulnerable and honest, I do want to be a mom. After my job interview, (with this really sweet spanish non-profit!! pray that I get it!) I called my mom and told her if I didn't really care if it didn't pay well because I honestly just wanted to get married and have kids. I think she almost dropped the phone. Maybe this is too honest of a post. Maybe people will be weirded out by it. But the point is, people change. But it is a process. It's hard. Especially when you've spent your whole life not wanting to date or get married and basically hating half of the population of the world. Basically, the atonement is real. Because there is no way I would be here typing this out if Heavenly Father literally had not changed my mind. I look forward to what happens in my future. I have no plans, so I am hoping that Heavenly Father guides me as He always has. And His plans have always been better than mine.  Several of my 'yolo' moments have worked out for me... Mainly paying an exorbitant amount of money to see Adele. Because if you're having a quarter-life crisis, who better to wallow with than the queen of sad music?

I CANNOT WAIT. She will be getting her own blog post next Monday. Unless I am in a musically induced coma. Which will probs happen. 

Life up here in Fort Collins is definitely an adventure. I came here thinking I was moving to DC, so I basically ignored people... so wish me luck!

And everyone I am close to, I am sorry. But thanks for sticking by me as I figure out my new self. Thanks for loving my new self even though it may not see as 'boss' as who I used to be. I am still here, just a more humbled version.