"The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become."-C.S. Lewis

Yeah, I get it. You're sick of my quoting C.S. Lewis ha but I just love him. He's on my top 5 list of people to converse with in the next life. I just love the idea of one day being able to say all the time, Thy will be done. It's going to take an entire lifetime as I am so prideful and I love doing things my way, but I have faith it will happen. Life is really good right now. Yes, there are every day challenges but today as I was walking around the lake, I realized how blessed I actually am. I'm just going to share a few happy things/thoughts:

• I got into both DU and CSU. I was waiting to hear from CSU about a scholarship program and did not receive that. Honestly, this made it easier to decide. But the day I got accepted to DU, I was sitting with my client in the library and I just started to get massive anxiety. I'm talking the type of anxiety I would get near the end of my mission when I realized I had no clue what I was doing with my life. The feeling was there the whole day. Later that night, I was watching some TV trying to calm myself when I noticed my sister calling. To be honest, I was just about to go to bed and I didn't really want to talk, (sorry Laurel! still love you! :) but I felt like I should pick it up. She said that she had read this article about deciding on education as a woman that she felt I would like. She had NO clue I had even been accepted to DU or that I had been having some serious anxiety. As she explained the article and then as I read it, I know that she was inspired to send it to me. I am so thankful for my sister who, unbeknownst to her, was heeding a prompting of the spirit. CSU logically made more sense: it was cheaper, I already lived here and had friends, it is a more stable career to be a teacher, and ultimately. if I wanted to get married, I shouldn't have a lot of debt for an education, right? That's what was tumbling around in my head. Anyway, I read the article and I felt the spirit when I read this line: 

         "A woman should plot a course for their education and careers as men do, taking into account interests, abilities, and even financial benefits." Laura L. Bush 

         It was perfect. I knew that I could make the decision and choice that I personally would be more fulfilled in, and that was pursuing an education in conflict resolution and humanitarian efforts. The spirit filled the room and I was just so thankful for a sister that called me to share something she had read. I love when my prayers are answered by people I love. Is DU going to be uber expensive? Yes! But I am looking forward to the education and opportunities it will provide me. And for the fulfillment I will get, doing something I am passionate about. Also, shout out to Erika for driving down with me to visit the campus and go to the single's ward. #truefriend

• I love the temple. You know that. The day before I had to make a decision for grad school, I went to the temple and obviously prayed about which school I should go to, even though I had already had a confirmation that I could go where I wanted. However, when I was in the celestial room, something bizarre happened. Out of nowhere, an answer came that was unexpected: "You haven't missed any opportunities." I live my life in fear that I am screwing it  up or that I am in the wrong place or have missed opportunities on dating because I am crazy. And for the past month, every time I prayed, I always prayed to know if Heavenly Father was okay with the course of my life or if I was getting off base. I know many women, who already have two kids and I have not even dated anyone yet! I was getting discouraged wondering if I had been doing something wrong. It made me think of this quote I wrote down on my mission, "We are able to take validation vertically from Him, not horizontally from the world around us." Rosemary W Wixom. By church standards, maybe I'm not where people think I should be. But that peace I felt in the temple, knowing that I have been in the right places and that I have not missed any real opportunities, gave me the assurance that Heavenly Father does know what He's doing. And I do not need validation from anyone else. He is thrilled that I want to get a master's degree and that I worked hard to get in. And even though this was not a direct answer to the prayer I had pondered in my heart about grad school, it was an answer that I am moving in the direction that I should and that there is a heavenly Being who loves me. And there's nothing better than that. I also just wanted to share a quote by Elder Cornish (who was in the Caribbean presidency and I learned so much from him on my mission: "I witness to you that if you will really try and will not rationalize or rebel—repenting often and pleading for the grace, or help, of Christ—you positively are going to be “good enough,” that is, acceptable before the Lord; you are going to make it to the celestial kingdom, being perfect in Christ; and you are going to receive the blessings and glory and joy that God desires for each of His precious children—including specifically you and me. I testify that God lives and wants us to come home." What a beautiful reassurance that we ARE doing what we need to and we are going to make it! 

So that's life! I still love my job even though I will be done with it in a month to start my teaching job. I love being a temple worker and am going to miss being up here in Ft. Collins. I learned a lot here. Also, it's been almost a year since I've been home from my mission. And I have to say, I am so thankful that I was so strongly prompted to go. It changed my life because it changed me. I just hope I get more transformative moments in my life to learn and grow spiritually and temporally. 

My new feminist leggings.

Can't wait to join the ranks of Condoleeza Rice!