- I hit 100 classes at Pure Barre! This was exciting because I've done barre for the last year but I could only afford taking 8 classes a month in Colorado and then it didn't transfer over here. Now that I can take unlimited classes (for the same price as my 8 in Colorado. THANKS PHOENIX!), I hit it in less than four months. I got to sign the barre and join the 100 club. I even bought some barre socks that say 100 club on it. Taylor knew how important it was to me, so we got Rubios and he had bought donuts from Bosa's that made 100. So fun! Now onto 250!
- We finally went to an escape room. This was on both Taylor and my's 20 in 20 list. We found a cheap Groupon and went to the sketchy part of town with some friends from our ward. It was actually super fun! We did the Kidnapped room. The wives ended up being 'kidnapped' and then the husbands had to find us and then we proceeded to the final room together. It was so fun and we ended up doing it in less than a half hour which was awesome! We had the best mix of people on our team!
- I am really loving listening to podcasts. Right now I am listening to the rest of the Come Follow Me for Us podcast. The host is from Arizona so it's been fun to listen to her and gain some insights. I love when people are honest about the gospel. Also I am lowkey obsessed with Julie Hanks and all her insights about church culture and how damaging it can be. She is the best. Please look her up on social media and read her posts about people leaving the church, on dividing up housework and about being able to balance wanting a career with being a mom. She's super real and firey in a respectful way that I really appreciate. She really focuses on partnership marriages, meaning that both contribute to family and housework. It's literally the best. My favorite was when someone asked about how dividing housework is potentially against the Proclamation on the Family and she literally just responded that it says NOTHING about doing chores as a duty of women. YAASS. Also grateful that I married a man who does laundry and cooks whenever without being asked.
Other updates:
I love my job! Seriously. I love the school and the kids and the teachers. Working in a charter school is way different and the way they do things is really different, but my boss is the best. We are all just a bunch of weirdos and it's so fun. I know it was so tough to be unemployed for a bit when we moved here, but this was definitely worth the wait. I love feeling valued for my very specific skills. I had this moment when I was de-escalating a kid and afterward he told me he was grateful I really listened, "not that fake listening adults do," where I felt so at peace knowing that I have some pretty unique talents. Which brings me to...
rereading Girl, Stop Apologizing. I love Rachel Hollis. I almost used one of her quotes from her as the title of this post. She just talks about how you never should apologize for your goals and dreams. This month, I felt really down about who I am as a woman. I feel so isolated because I think so differently than the majority of people I know. I never look at a situation in a way that most people would. My brain is always whirring and thinking about it from different perspectives. It's exhausting sometimes that I can't just read something and think like the masses. Sometimes I wish I had a 'normal' desire to want kids and be married. I wish that I could just accept things on faith instead of being in my head about them for years on end on things I want changed in the church. I honestly feel like it would be easier. Instead, I have always been compelled to have a career. I love being married though which is super nice. I realized I am SO much more fulfilled when I am helping kids. My attitude has been so much more positive knowing I can make a small difference. My entire countenance has changed. I reread my patriarchal blessing and felt a deep peace that my heavenly parents gave me these attributes and talents to be used. I am grateful to have a very unique skill of being able to help kids solve problems. As Rachel says so aptly, “I cannot continue to live as half of myself simply because it’s hard for others to handle all of me.” I also love this quote later on,“You are allowed to want more for yourself for no other reason than because it makes your heart happy. You don’t need anyone’s permission, and you certainly shouldn’t have to rely on anyone’s support as the catalyst to get you there.” I am grateful for the people who love my whole self, but most especially my husband who believes in my dream and supports it. And my heavenly parents who created me and support me in all the ways they can. One of my favorite parts of the gospel is knowing that I get to develop and learn and grow for ETERNITY. What a blessing.
I also did something way out of my comfort zone before I got this job. I ended up getting my substitute teaching license. I realized while talking to my Omi that everything I do always leads me to working with kids in schools. So I got it and then looked into alternative methods to get certified to teach (since Arizona is one of the few states that doesn't require you getting a degree). I think I would love to become a dean of students and had I stayed in Colorado, it wouldn't have been plausible since I wasn't going to go back to school to get certified as a teacher. But now it may be possible. Just another reason to always listen to Heavenly Father when he tells you to move somewhere even though you have NO IDEA why.
I am loving my book club. I love all the women in it and I love the discussions we have. It's so fun to learn and disagree and get on random tangents. I honestly look forward to it every month. I love the fun environment and how nice everyone is and I can't believe I haven't been in one sooner. Literature matters people.
Last night, I was deep in my thoughts about my immense fear of having kids. I deal with kids who have experienced severe trauma every day and I just couldn't help thinking that I was going to mess up my kids too much. I was thinking about how scary it is not knowing what will hurt them until you accidentally do it. I think of my own trauma and also how ALL of my mission companions carried trauma from their parents that greatly impacted them. I had spent all this week thinking about how I just didn't think I was ever going to have kids. Taylor and I went to a fireside last night with Richard Bushman and Kathleen Flake. (Yes it was so cool after I took so many classes at BYU on church history). They were speaking on the restoration. While they didn't mention anything groundbreaking, I did like that they talked about how we should let Joseph mature past a 14 year old boy and not just limit him to his first vision self. I liked that. Anyway, as we were getting into the car, this thought about how I would just screw up a kid was in my mind. I mentioned it to Taylor and in classic form, he responded in one sentence and my fear suddenly vanished. Like what he said IMMEDIATELY brought me comfort. I won't share specifics or any other personal experiences where Taylor has given me a one sentence answer, but let's just say it's been many. I am grateful for a partner who, when I've been in my head and am so far deep in thought, can be inspired to alleviate all that stress with one sentence. How grateful I am that I felt inspired to date him. We will be recreating our first date this month (March 29, three years ago!) and I will write about it later. Also, for the record, we won't be having kids for a while, so don't be asking us about it since I wrote this post haha.
I definitely feel like February was a month full of love and joy. Until next time!
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