Anyway, I've been doing a lot of thinking about how much I have changed in the past three years. A lot of that is due to my mission, but also several experiences I've had since then. Three years ago, I was really sad to be postponing Georgetown, but also really excited and nervous for my mission. I knew that my mission was going to change my life, but I was also super nervous about learning Spanish and living in another country. I look back on this Kelsey and I just want to tell her, guess what? You're going to see so many miracles. It's going to be the toughest thing ever, but you will learn so many neat lessons packaged individually for you! When I withdrew from Georgetown after I came home last year, knowing it was the right decision, I cried. I took a sick day from work and just got really mad. This was the thing I looked forward to for the entire time I was on my mission. On days that sucked, I would think to myself, it's fine I'll be at Georgetown soon enough. But it wasn't just giving up the dream, it was the fact that I didn't know what I was doing with my life. I don't mean to brag or make others jealous, but I always know what I am doing. I always have my life planned out at least two steps ahead of what I am currently doing. It's just how my brain works and also how I receive revelation. I just always know what I should be doing. But for 6 months of last year (2016), I had no clue. I applied to all these jobs in Utah and Denver but knew that I was supposed to stay up in FoCo. I applied to a TESL master's program at CSU and didn't feel right about that either. It was frustrating.
On New Year's Eve, I was kind of fed up. I said a prayer as I was going to sleep, and for the first time in several months, I felt two specifics prompting that I knew would come true-I needed to go to DU for my MA in Conflict Resolution and I would 'notice' someone that would later become my eternal companion. I slept like a baby, and whipped out my application in two days. I didn't really focus on the eternal companion part because I "knew" that wasn't going to happen and also was really confused about the phrase that I would "notice someone." It was, quite frankly, bizarre, so I just ignored that piece for a solid part of the year, and focused on school. However, ever since New Year's Eve last year, EVERYTHING worked out for me. I don't know how. I seriously don't. I saw a flyer for a work study job (last time I applied, I was NOT offered work study, so this was also a bonus) and accepted it. Then I got an email about an internship that was unpaid, but on campus, so I wouldn't have to spend money to complete one. Right before I started, I got an email from my internship supervisor indicating that he got it funded and I made more money from my internship than my work study. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? I still don't understand it. Choosing to attend DU for my master's degree is one of the best things that happened to me this year. I love my program, and all 7 of us in it. I love the skills I've learned and how much better I am learning to communicate about emotions. It's beneficial to all of my relationships and is making me a better person. For a hefty price. But it's all worth it.
That's all about my first prompting. My second prompting is a little bit different. I started the year off with the resolve to better myself first. Right before I left for my DR visit in April, I just got very frustrated about this prompting. Everything was literally being handed to me on a silver platter for DU, and so I was confused why I wasn't meeting anyone. Like I mentioned, I had made the goal to attend the temple weekly and at this point was still in Fort Collins, so I prayed about it there. I got the reassurance that I would notice someone. Again, I was super confused. Until a few days later and I went to a devotional and saw Taylor. Taylor and I had been more like acquaintances at this point. By that I mean that we would sit next to each other and make remarks under our breath at some church activities. I thought he was funny but that was the end of it. (Apparently I had told my mom several months earlier that I was really impressed by this 'man in our ward Taylor who was always at everything and willing to serve." But I honestly don't have any recollection of that. I guess I wasn't ready to notice it at the time) As we sat there, I just couldn't get the thought of my head that Taylor was just such a fun person, but also so focused on the temple. (He helped build the Fort Collins temple and we ended up being ordinance workers there on the same shift starting in May of this year. I know, it's adorable to me too) However, at this point, I knew he was not interested in me. (Deservedly so as you will read in a few sentences) but somehow managed to convince him to ask me to get frozen hot chocolate with me when we talked after the devotional. I work quick, don't I? ;) (That this was the first thing we did together is just great because it reminds me of one of my favorite movies- Serendipity, which he ended up watching later). Anyway, the day of our 'date,' I was in a grumpy marriage mood. I think something had happened with one of my married friends and I was just so irked at the whole thing. So we go out and I was just hating on marriage and relationships. I know. I'm such a pleasure. Not my finest moment. Obviously, he wasn't enjoying it and neither was I. (I won't speak for him, but I know he wasn't into it since we've obviously chatted about this now) We went out before institute, so we drove back, he got out of my car, and then I had the strongest feeling I've ever had (besides when I knew I was supposed to serve a mission) that we would end up married. Can we just talk about how bizarre this was? It wasn't even a good date! I didn't even really know him! And, as a bonus, he had just put in his mission papers. So I went to institute, sat by Taylor, and tried not to be super weird. You can't just tell someone you were super rude to on a first date that you just felt like you were going to end up married. Luckily for me, I went on my vacation to the DR and had some time to process. I ended up talking to my mission president about it while I visited with him which really helped soothe me down. It took us a long time to finally get to the place where we could actually date. We became closer friends and then finally it all worked out where we started dating and realizing that this was what we both wanted in a relationship... right before his mission. And to add to it, I was leaving for DC for the last week before he left. But, it all worked out.
There are many reasons I love Taylor and why he's perfect for me which I won't get into now. We are both even INTJs! (We have the same personality from the Meyers Brigg test) He turns toward me when I am asking for an emotional bid (more on this later on in this post).But one of the things I love most is how respectful he is towards women. He treats me so well and for some reason, we were both just so open with each other about everything. I think it was weird for both of us to be so open with someone about everything in our lives, but it really has helped solidify my decision to marry him. Yes, he's on a mission currently. (He's 25, so don't worry, I'm not dating an 18 year old. We turned 25 within two weeks of each other. I will actually get to celebrate birthday week and have an excuse!) But I can't wait to marry him. It honestly took me a while to type that because it's still so crazy to me how this all happened. I am so grateful I will get that opportunity. My life with him in it is a lot better and it's surprising to me. I've always hated the cliche that you marry your best friend, but I have found that to be true. I tell him everything and vice versa and I never feel self conscious around him. Enough sappiness. But to sum it up: I'm so happy he's in my life. Even if it's at a distance for the next year and a half.
Long story short, I'm glad I didn't move to DC. Because I wouldn't have noticed Taylor or started my program at DU. My dad sent me this story about the currant bush from Hugh B. Brown on my mission and it's become almost like scripture to me. It talks about when he was supposed to be promoted in the military but didn't because he was Mormon. His lifelong dream was crushed. However, when he looked back at his life, he talked about all the crazy awesome benefits that came from that decision and all the blessings he received. He then compares it to a time he was cutting down a currant tree and how it seemed to him that it was crying and asking why it was being cut down when it had grown into a big tree. I love what he says:
On New Year's Eve, I was kind of fed up. I said a prayer as I was going to sleep, and for the first time in several months, I felt two specifics prompting that I knew would come true-I needed to go to DU for my MA in Conflict Resolution and I would 'notice' someone that would later become my eternal companion. I slept like a baby, and whipped out my application in two days. I didn't really focus on the eternal companion part because I "knew" that wasn't going to happen and also was really confused about the phrase that I would "notice someone." It was, quite frankly, bizarre, so I just ignored that piece for a solid part of the year, and focused on school. However, ever since New Year's Eve last year, EVERYTHING worked out for me. I don't know how. I seriously don't. I saw a flyer for a work study job (last time I applied, I was NOT offered work study, so this was also a bonus) and accepted it. Then I got an email about an internship that was unpaid, but on campus, so I wouldn't have to spend money to complete one. Right before I started, I got an email from my internship supervisor indicating that he got it funded and I made more money from my internship than my work study. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? I still don't understand it. Choosing to attend DU for my master's degree is one of the best things that happened to me this year. I love my program, and all 7 of us in it. I love the skills I've learned and how much better I am learning to communicate about emotions. It's beneficial to all of my relationships and is making me a better person. For a hefty price. But it's all worth it.
That's all about my first prompting. My second prompting is a little bit different. I started the year off with the resolve to better myself first. Right before I left for my DR visit in April, I just got very frustrated about this prompting. Everything was literally being handed to me on a silver platter for DU, and so I was confused why I wasn't meeting anyone. Like I mentioned, I had made the goal to attend the temple weekly and at this point was still in Fort Collins, so I prayed about it there. I got the reassurance that I would notice someone. Again, I was super confused. Until a few days later and I went to a devotional and saw Taylor. Taylor and I had been more like acquaintances at this point. By that I mean that we would sit next to each other and make remarks under our breath at some church activities. I thought he was funny but that was the end of it. (Apparently I had told my mom several months earlier that I was really impressed by this 'man in our ward Taylor who was always at everything and willing to serve." But I honestly don't have any recollection of that. I guess I wasn't ready to notice it at the time) As we sat there, I just couldn't get the thought of my head that Taylor was just such a fun person, but also so focused on the temple. (He helped build the Fort Collins temple and we ended up being ordinance workers there on the same shift starting in May of this year. I know, it's adorable to me too) However, at this point, I knew he was not interested in me. (Deservedly so as you will read in a few sentences) but somehow managed to convince him to ask me to get frozen hot chocolate with me when we talked after the devotional. I work quick, don't I? ;) (That this was the first thing we did together is just great because it reminds me of one of my favorite movies- Serendipity, which he ended up watching later). Anyway, the day of our 'date,' I was in a grumpy marriage mood. I think something had happened with one of my married friends and I was just so irked at the whole thing. So we go out and I was just hating on marriage and relationships. I know. I'm such a pleasure. Not my finest moment. Obviously, he wasn't enjoying it and neither was I. (I won't speak for him, but I know he wasn't into it since we've obviously chatted about this now) We went out before institute, so we drove back, he got out of my car, and then I had the strongest feeling I've ever had (besides when I knew I was supposed to serve a mission) that we would end up married. Can we just talk about how bizarre this was? It wasn't even a good date! I didn't even really know him! And, as a bonus, he had just put in his mission papers. So I went to institute, sat by Taylor, and tried not to be super weird. You can't just tell someone you were super rude to on a first date that you just felt like you were going to end up married. Luckily for me, I went on my vacation to the DR and had some time to process. I ended up talking to my mission president about it while I visited with him which really helped soothe me down. It took us a long time to finally get to the place where we could actually date. We became closer friends and then finally it all worked out where we started dating and realizing that this was what we both wanted in a relationship... right before his mission. And to add to it, I was leaving for DC for the last week before he left. But, it all worked out.
There are many reasons I love Taylor and why he's perfect for me which I won't get into now. We are both even INTJs! (We have the same personality from the Meyers Brigg test) He turns toward me when I am asking for an emotional bid (more on this later on in this post).But one of the things I love most is how respectful he is towards women. He treats me so well and for some reason, we were both just so open with each other about everything. I think it was weird for both of us to be so open with someone about everything in our lives, but it really has helped solidify my decision to marry him. Yes, he's on a mission currently. (He's 25, so don't worry, I'm not dating an 18 year old. We turned 25 within two weeks of each other. I will actually get to celebrate birthday week and have an excuse!) But I can't wait to marry him. It honestly took me a while to type that because it's still so crazy to me how this all happened. I am so grateful I will get that opportunity. My life with him in it is a lot better and it's surprising to me. I've always hated the cliche that you marry your best friend, but I have found that to be true. I tell him everything and vice versa and I never feel self conscious around him. Enough sappiness. But to sum it up: I'm so happy he's in my life. Even if it's at a distance for the next year and a half.
Long story short, I'm glad I didn't move to DC. Because I wouldn't have noticed Taylor or started my program at DU. My dad sent me this story about the currant bush from Hugh B. Brown on my mission and it's become almost like scripture to me. It talks about when he was supposed to be promoted in the military but didn't because he was Mormon. His lifelong dream was crushed. However, when he looked back at his life, he talked about all the crazy awesome benefits that came from that decision and all the blessings he received. He then compares it to a time he was cutting down a currant tree and how it seemed to him that it was crying and asking why it was being cut down when it had grown into a big tree. I love what he says:
"Now some of you as you go forward are going to meet with disappointment—perhaps many disappointments, some of them crucial. Sometimes you will wonder if God has forgotten you. Sometimes you may even wonder if He lives and where He has gone. But in these times when so many are saying God is dead and when so many are denying His existence, I think I could not leave with you a better message than this: God is aware of you individually. He knows who you are and what you are, and, furthermore, He knows what you are capable of becoming. Be not discouraged, then, if you do not get all the things you want just when you want them. Have the courage to go on and face your life and, if necessary, reverse it to bring it into harmony with His law...“I am the gardener here. I know what I want you to be. If I let you go the way you want to go, you will never amount to anything. And someday, when you are ripened in life, you are going to shout back across the time and say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me.'"
I echo his words. I am grateful that Heavenly Father loves me enough to 'hurt me' temporarily. What a magnificent gift that we can have the gift of the Spirit and always discern what we need to be doing. It's one of my dearest gifts I have received. And I am so thankful for it. I hope that 2018 will bring with it its ups and downs and that I can always align my will with His.
If you're still reading this, here is a brief update on other incredible things that happened this year:
If you're still reading this, here is a brief update on other incredible things that happened this year:
- Nobel Peace Prize Forum. Apparently DU was one of the first three schools to start a Conflict Resolution program. Anyway, our Institute at DU was invited to go to the Nobel Peace Prize Forum in Minnesota and my program decided to send two delegates. I applied, thinking no way is this going to happen, but it did! I got selected to go and it was such an incredible experience. Plus I met Leanna, who is now one of my favorite people.
- I emailed President Corbitt to share my experience about eternal families and how this one meeting on my mission changed the course of my life. He was grateful for it and then we chatted about this line from Elder Rafael E. Pino,"The Lord knows what He wants to accomplish with each one of us. He knows the kind of reform He wants to achieve in our lives, and we do not have the right to counsel Him. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts." How beautiful that is. If you follow me at all on social media, you know that I went back and visited my mission and blogged about it previously. Visiting my mission in April was another highlight. I love the people there and was so blessed to go back and visit them! (Thank you nice tax return and no school fees yet!) I also learned how to ride a motorcycle and dance bachata. So fun! At our mission reunion, we found out that our mission for the year 2016 was the most improved mission in the world! How cool seeing as it was so tough to even get people to commit to lessons. So grateful to have served in the mejor mision del mundo!
- I went on a DC birthdaycation with Chelsea! We had been roommates together when we did our internships through BYU in DC and it was the best way ever to celebrate turning a quarter of a century old. We mostly ate! haha and honestly, I wish I could go there now and eat a Good Stuff burger and shake because that sounds so good!
- I finished three rounds of BBG (a 12 week workout program). I started this time last year and I am amazed at my progress. I decided I really wanted to work on being strong and also on my diet. While I am not perfect in my eating habits, I have definitely cleaned them up and love not feeling weighed down by crap food! I can also do pushups now, so I feel good!
- I've been obsessed about reading marriage prep books and relationship books in general. Sometimes the interpersonal conflict books for my program just really hit home. But my favorite thing I learned last year was the idea of "emotional bids" which was coined by David Gottman. According to him, "a bid is any attempt from one partner to another for attention, affirmation, affection or any other positive connection." Please learn more about this as it's changed my life even within my family. You can find a beginner's guide to this here: Intro to Emotional Bids and more specific examples of what bids are here
- My sister is serving a mission in LA, spanish speaking and it's so fun to see how much she loves it! I love reading her emails and just feeling that missionary vibe. And Mason is going to get married to Heather in February! What a great time for my family!
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