"In His plan, there are no true endings, only everlasting beginnings."-President Uchtdorft

I obviously loved President Uchdroft's talk and I'm just feeling super grateful... and nostalgic. So I thought I'd reflect on some awesome things I have experienced here in the 84606. (i.e. Provo) because I officially only have 10 days left here. #umwhat. I'm going to be honest, Provo brought me a lot of pain. But it also brought me so many wonderful experiences with it and today I realized I am going to miss it a lot. Like Uchtdorf continued to say, "There is something that will take away the bitterness that may come into our lives. There is one thing we can do to make life sweeter, even joyful, even glorious. We can be grateful." So Provo, even though it was rough going during many of our moments, I know with a surety that BYU was the place for me to go. 

Today I realized the reason why living here has been so tough: it shattered many of my illusions of my world and myself. This is why I have a love/hate relationship with the place. Without these experiences, I wouldn't be who I am, but it also means that I had all these life-changing (both good and bad) experiences in this place, and I can't get rid of that.  It was here in Provo that I realized sometimes your "true, friends for life" friends aren't "friends for life." I learned that some families won't be forever in the way that I wanted them to. I learned that I did need help from others and that I wasn't as strong as I thought I was. I learned that sometimes the best thing you can do is sit on a bench and cry right when you feel like it, instead of waiting to go home and cry in your bed while listening to Adele.  On a less dramatic note, I realized the importance of priorities of choosing people over homework or schedules. You can't schedule in relationships (but believe me, I DID try. Literally. I would write in "Talk with X" and then a time frame). I learned that I like hugs when they are heartfelt. That it's nice to get away from people who knew us when we were younger so we can do our growing without them telling us who we are. But also, that there are days where the only people we need are the ones who have been  there for our whole growth and understand why this current situation ties back to when you were 6. That sometimes it's better to go out with your friends and make memories instead of working on that paper due in two weeks. That laughing until you cry and cupcakes can cure anything you face. Most importantly, I realized how much I care about people's opinions of what I'm doing. I have always projected that I 100% didn't care what people thought about me... until I almost decided not to serve a mission for fear of what people would say. So much has changed about me that I find it weird to even think about my 17 year-old self showing up at BYU, embarrassed to cry in public, following a strict schedule and not letting anyone give her hugs. Who is that girl?? Certainly not me anymore, and thank heavens for that! So in short, thanks Provo for allowing me the opportunity to have some shattered illusions in both positive and negative and allowing me to grow and develop into someone pretty awesome. I can't wait how wherever I am sent on my mission inspires even more changes!

 Here are some highlights of the incredible memories I have here (and in DC, which wouldn't haven't happened if I hadn't gone to BYU!):

• Summer term. Living on my own for the first time and literally eating frozen food for the full first summer term. (This hasn't really changed to be honest). Meeting Sam and Casey summer term. Sitting in sprinklers. Laughing. Watching the Skankery. Going on late night drives to visit Casey's boyfriend. Safetysuit concert. Getting my job at the MBA!
• Moving into Wyview and eating Kilbasa with Michelle and then having pizza and Gilmore Girls nights with them . Meeting Michal. Watching every episode of Psych. English 251 (or the reason why I knew I was supposed to be an English major). 
• The Lib Square Year. Meeting Linds and Marisa. Climbing to the top of a rock climbing wall. First (and second dates). #v54lyfe. Letter from Uchtdorf. One Direction obsessions. Driving around with Jess and Bergabee yelling . Shouting off rooftops to make wishes come true. 
• Heather Cove (round 1). Getting accepted to DC. Burning old letters. Writing quotes on records. The Golden apartment. All the Kevins. 
• DC. Becoming instafriends with Chelsea. Inauguration. Museums (especially spy ones). Gourmandise at Paul. The FJC. Boss Women Unite. Being in the same room as Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, and Maya Angelou. Meeting L. Tom Perry. Hearing Elder Holland speak in the Capitol. Going to New York. Eating at Serendipity.
• Heather Cover (round 2). Mr. Darcy look-a-likes. Swearing in the dungeon. Meeting M.E., Sarah and everyone in that ward 
• Singletree. Hiking Timp. Rewatching 5 seasons of Greys.  Vancouver for my 21st birthday and Michal's wedding. Getting my first grown up job. Meeting Sheri Dew. And Elizabeth Smart. Breadstick anxiety at Olive Garden. Nights playing Clue. Vegas. The night before Marisa's wedding. Dropping Mason off at the MTC.  Madison's wedding. Getting into Georgetown and DU for grad school. Choosing to serve a mission. Graduation. 

So, WOW. I've done a lot. I wish I knew what I would experience back when I first stepped onto this campus, eager to get away from my parents and do what I want. But,what did I learn in this place? Here are some of the things I want my future kids to learn: 

•  Dreams don't work unless you do! 
• How to say goodbye to the boy you have really liked since you were 12. 
• If you move to a new city where you know no one, you're going to be fine. (Here's looking at you Provo and DC). 
• That people at your job can become your second family. 
• It's okay to accept help from someone.
• An Adele song will take away any pain. 
• Crying in public makes you feel better sometimes. 
• Sometimes, boys are mean. Sometimes, girls are mean. 
• Think outside the box and question things (it's okay). 
• Take yolocations (yolo vacations).
•  If  a best friend disappears, let them grow without you even though it'll be super painful. 
• Listen to the Spirit always not just when it aligns with what you want. 
• Only the atonement matters, the rest of the gospel is dependent on it. The only true, perfect, best friend will be my Savior.
•  It's okay to admire a Democrat woman (I promise). You can be a moderate in a town full of super hardcore Republicans (I promise). 
• I have it a lot better than 90% of the world. 
• How to cope with the effects of divorce in a healthy manner. 
• How to survive the worst semester of your life. 
• Writing a 17 page paper. 
• Sometimes you have to take the initiative and ask the boy out. That's not weird and it's totally cool that you took the chance. 
• Always buy the ticket to that concert. 
• You can receive personal life-changing revelation in the worst of circumstances (#mission). 
• Everybody's just doing the best you can and you aren't perfect either.
•  Take chances, risks. Use fear as fuel. 
• Be a fountain, not a drain. No one likes a perpetual complainer or one-upper. 
• Every day you read your scriptures, the better you will feel. 
• You can make it to the top of a mountain (physically and metaphorically)
• Dance parties in your room or blasting music on a mountain drive takes away a lot of the pain.
• Have fire and passion and obsessions. You have to have tenacity or you won't survive. 
• Give people second chances because you'll also need them in return. 
• Be a #Bosswoman and not worry about what others think about your newfound love of feminism.
• Actually, don't care about what people anyways. It's your life. The only person who has to live with the consequences of what you do is 90% you. Do what you want. 
• Being an English major will teach you so many valuable things like how to be a critical thinker, how to both deconstruct and reconstruct and to be more open minded about how people act.  And you will not end up jobless because it's a valuable degree. 
• Everything works out right.